For Real?
People forget what they said and I wonder if it is because they didn’t mean it or they don’t care where their words end up. They only remember when someone strongly hold their words to them or when they need to bring it up to defend themselves. It amuses me how they can’t remember the words they spat out of their own mouth but recollect every offensive words from others. So many times I let go of the moments when I could have backfired with their own misused expressions that were purely selfish and untrue, but I learned better and know wiser. The reality of bringing up their flawed words would wound me again, not them. It’s self wounding act in essence and that is pretty shitty because I ride the emotional roller coaster while they take a bubble bath in a tub that is not even their own. When the anger, frustration, and retaliative feeling ease I silently hope for the strongest karma unto them. That sounds childish right? But, its pure and authentic hope I implore for peace of mind. I can’t give them hell because they must be in hell already. They must hear evil to speak evil. They don’t know that and I am not going be the one delivering ‘Declaration of Misconduct’. Seems like the devil can pick and choose what some remember and not. Yes, the devil, it’s being picky.
And for me, I guess heaven is closer because I wish not to mirror their behaviour for the sake of my desire to be better than those I am complaining about. I remember my emotions. I mean what I say. I take responsibility for my choices, and I fear my own unintentional mischiefs. I feel the weight my words carry and it’s not light nor easy to trash. My heaven gives life experience straight up, no crafting, not choosing, no bypassing. Even though I am mentally and emotionally beat up right now, I am sure there are reasons for it and my heaven is surely beautiful than hell so I trust it all will write up a winning story for me. I am only a dust but I am still green at heart, wise in mind with an iron heart. It’s still shitty and I still want to know if you really don’t remember what you said? For real?